United Colonialists of America
NICK TITAN’S CCA ON MINERALS AND OIL
(DUTCH VERSION ON: UNITED COLONIALISTS OF AMERICA)
Hello, dear memberoos of our communicative community! Today’s question is raised by Rutger Marx. He wants to cut a deal.
‘Dear Nick,’ says Rutger. ‘My house is old. I heat with oil. The rusty tank is leaking. The soil is now contaminated. I don’t want to remediate because that ’s too expensive. Should I reach out to Trump about it? That guy is always on the prowl for unexploited plots to drill for minerals, gas and oil. Perhaps he’ll swap my plot for acres worth of US wasteland. Would he accept the deal?’
Welcome to Nick Titan’s CCA, the Communication Consulting Agency that helps you weigh your options. My name is Nick Titan. I am your host today.
Are you new to my channel? Don’t miss out on any of my future posts. Subscribe now to my blog! You might just win your personal piece of wilderness in Wyoming, as Trump is keen to rid himself of National Parks where there’s nothing to be drilled.
But let’s get back to our case, shall we? You’ve asked for my advice, dear Rutger. I wouldn’t rock the boat. The moment Trump knows you have oil, he’ll put you on his map. He’s sure to come right after you, as fast as he has raised to claimed what’s left of Ukraine (the richess in the soil, that is – the surface has been wiped already, which saves on drilling costs). Unless you’re ready to spend billions (to fund Trump’s personal foundations, or pay a small army of lawyers to defend you against his claims), you are completely chanceless. He’ll just say all your oil was his, that you are bad, a thief or worse, and his entire redneck choir will cheer and call you out a lier. In the worst case, the man will get you scorned upon in public, in prime-time on the national tv, aided by his side-kick Vance, whose eagerness to intimidate hosts exceeds his diplomatic skills and his respect for even the most trivial of facts.
Narcistic autocrates and brutes never respond to reason. They loath the righteous, but they thrive in company of crooks, thieves, criminals and mythomaniacs like themselves. That’s why the president’s new best friends include some really shady people like Putin and Jinping, who all despise democracy, national autonomy, freedom of speech, personal rights and justice just like the lesser gods Netanyahu, Modi, Orban and Melani. Trump claimed Zelensky caused the war and called him a dictator. His poor pal Putin on the other hand was cleaned from any blame. Surely he didn’t start the war. That was all Ukraine’s fault. Despite three years of brutal war, tens of thousands of military Ukrainian casualties and 500 billion euros worth of damage, the US bluntly failed to call Russia the agressor in the most sorry resolution the UN has ever seen since its very foundation. If the US did otherwise, they’d judge their president for blackmailing Ukraine’s president into surrendering his much cherished mineral treasures, for disneyfying the Gaza strip, claiming Greenland, Panama and Canada as its rightful properties or reparcelling the whole of Europe.
Don’t count on NATO for protection! The president says it’s bad. NATO has been parked on a sidetrack, and it will defintely not intervene if something happens back in Europe. Trump no longer cares to defend NATO’s 32-odd members in case they should get raided or invaded by his new friends (or Trump himself). Unless of course Europe is prepared to hand over all minerals to the US for free, in exchange for protection – the NATO doesn’t protect peace but is a means to earn big money). Apart from that, three quarters of century’s worth of European spending (amounting to a US taks in favor of its national Weapons Lobby for the equivalent of one year’s worth of the EU’s global BNP) does not have any value.
Let there be no mistake about it. The top three predators of today have silently agreed to redesign the planet any way they want. They’ll take whatever gets their fancy. No others have a say. The war in Ukrain must end with or without consent of either Ukraine or Europe – just blackmail them with stranglehold contracts, freeze funding, weapon shipments and intelligence if you must! Whatever is needed to twist Zelensky’s arm and fortify the Russians – the communists are our favorite pals as long they stay in hostile Europe. In Trumps world, like the maffia’s, protection comes at a high price which you pay at the end. Like Brando(Don Corleone) says in the Godfather: “‘I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse.’ However disinterested the US claimed to be from NATO’s cradle to Biden’s demise, when push comes to shove, money matters a thousand times more than obsolete democracy.
You get the picture, pall? We’re living on a different planet since Trump is back in business. A planet where the rich and powerful come first at the expense of all the rest. Where selfinterest and minerals define the geopolitical agenda. Where the richest man in the universe dismantles government and justice, to evade rules, controls, taxes and any form of scrutiny or criticism, to get even richer still. Where life is just a zero sum game. Trump wins. All others lose. At best the president will be so kind to let you live if you bow to his narcistic vision and pay him off like a mobster boss. That is of course, if you agree to call The Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America, and copy him in renaming the USA to the UCA (United Colonialists of America – but United Capitalists is acceptable too).
To round it up, don’t contact Trump. Call Ursula instead. Her Europe is in dire need of minerals, gas and oil. Our old continent is all but devoid of resources and both Africa and South America prefer Jinping to us. If there is anything in your soil – albeit an old battery from a flashlight from the seventies – I’m sure she will be thrilled to have it. As long as we still own our lands. Because it is no longer clear which side poses the bigger threat: the Russians who once planned to throw over a tiny nation in three days and are still struggling three years later, or that red-necked American bully who needed just one month to push all of democracy to the brink of the abyss.
My tip holds true for all of you, my dearest memberoos. Save laptops, batteries and appliances and ship them straight to Brussels. Please add a note for Ursula herself. Remind her that the European citizens count on her to kick our leader’s asses (and Victor Orban’s in particular). Just talking won’t defend our borders. It won’t miraculously enrich our soils with the much needed minerals either, nor will it help to make a fist against the Bad Big Three (or One) that come in for the kill.
As long as we don’t have the means to flee the earth without the aid of Musk or Richard Branson, we’ll have to sit it out. But not without protest.
Keep floating, folks! Sea you soon.
Yours truly,
Nick Titan
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