WELCOME TO SAINT-PETERSBURG!
NICK TITAN ON THE STATUE OF MORAL FUGITIVES
(DUTCH VERSION AVAILABLE ON :
NICK TITAN OVER HET STATUUT VAN MORELE VLUCHTELING)
Hello, dear memberoos of this community! This week, I am reflecting on an invitation by Vladislav Nitup, sent in from ‘mother Russia’.
‘Greetings, comrade Titan ,’ Vladislav writes. ‘Your blog is popular over here. Wouldn’t you like moving to Saint-Petersburg? As a moral fugitive, you’d be most welcome here.’
Welcom at Nick Titan’s CCA, the Communication Consulting Agency that answers every possiblle question, even if it’s adressed to me. My name is Nick Titan. I om your host today.
Are you new to my channel? Subscribe today! You might just win an invitation at my new penthouse in Saint-Petersburg (if I decide to move, that is).
But let’s return to the generous invitation I have recevied (like many others like me, I suppose) from Comrade Nitup. The offer does sound tempting. Vladislav list of arguments is really quite compelling.
For starters, he is right in questioning the moral values of western politicians and – by extension – that of society as a whole. In Russia, that is not the case. A man is still a man back there, a woman is a woman and there’s nothing in between. Nobody disagrees. At least, not publicly. But if you should think differently, you’re free to raise your voice. That is, if you still get the chance before you’re terminated.
As for democracy itself, Russia is a beacon. Politicians like Marie Le Pen who get expelled from next elections because they’re rumored to have hustled with some petty little cash? Won’t happen in the Russian Federation. Hustling is a fact of life, no ground for a conviction (and certainly not for friends of Nutip, as he repeatedly assures me). Those who oppose the president, are rewarded with paid holidays which they can spend indefinitely in luxury seafront facing cottages at the Siberian riviera. On top of that, all dissidents are offered pilot trainings free of charges. In fact, most candidates can’t even wait for the crash courses to start, preferring to crash way before that by jumping from their balconies (no doubt inspired by a wild desire to discover the laws of gravity first hand). Freedom gives wings. No need to buy yourself a Red Bull. (The Russian way is better for you; no sugars, cafeine or food colorants added to base jumps from your balcony)
No class justice in Russia either! As opposed tot he Flemish courts, where judges in Louvain assume you are a jolly good fellow although you’ve both abducted and raped a dronken student girl in your room without even using protection, and reassure society there is no risk of recidivism although the culprit wants to make a living by poking his nose in female genitals all day. Nutip wants to stress in Russia there wouldn’t even be a trial. Because boys will be boys for ever. And every single friend of Nitup is guaranteed to be safe.
Even for science and education, the Russians easily beat the west – and the US by far. Research is actively encouraged, especially so in the fields of IT, energy and the defense industry. Anyone who has a brain can file for scholarships and is urged to sign up for college (the State’s study advise is followed by 99 % - those who fail to perform are never punished but instead rewarded with a three-year stay in holiday camps in the Crimean or occupied Ukraine – the newest international party hotspot popular for its North-Korean bombshells).
And let’s not forget about culture. For bloggers, vloggers and the like, Russia is mere Walhalla. As long as they are critical, they get paid handsomely. The Krremlin loves freedom of speech. Especially when that is used to undermine the west, its values and society. Which puts me right on easy street, according to Nitup.
The icing on the cake? The guarantee on a special spot in the collective memory of the entire Russian population. And if my blog fails to achieve that, I get the opportunity to take another go at it with a career as journalist on the Ukrainian party hotspot. Where I’ll be asked to testify first hand the so-called ‘strategic exercices’ are nothing but a western hoax. The soldiers are having a ball! Thanks to their all-in beverage bracelets they can get drunk for free.
As far as my visum goes, although that’s valid for three years, it can be easily extended. (Something in small print about ‘military reservist army’ but that’s almost illegible so that won’t matter much).
What really won me over though, was the mere fact that Russia is the only country in the world that Trump has not attacked with tarifs. You can still buy Jack Daniels there. It even is taxfree! And by the way, Comrade Nitup points out the Russians are not stuck on wodka. That would imply they would have grain, potatoes, sugar or fruit, but that is not available – whatever stock may still be left is sold to pay the party in Ukraine.
As you will all have guessed by now, my dearest memberoos, I have made up my mind meanwhile and I’ve just bought my ticket. I hope I get my flight. There may be yet another strike at Zaventem, the buscompany (De Lijn) or our national railroads (NMNBS). Now wouldn’t that be irony? To miss my exodus to freedom due to some westernized communists? No fear! As Nutip writes in his PS, he’ll gladly come to rescue me. To that end I just have to post that I support the Russian case and I am threatened for it. That will give Moscou an excuse to mobilize and save me. Now how is that for service? I’d better end this blog right now and get on packing, before they change their minds.
Keep floating folks, sea you all soon in beautiful Saint-Petersburg or – with some luck – my manor in Siberia at Russia’s northern Riviera or a mixed Northern Korean holiday camp somewhere in beautiful Ukraine.
Yours truly,
Nicolai Titanski (formerly know as Nick Titan)
Do you want to be the first to receive Nick’s newest blogs? Subscribe to the newsletter below (in Dutch & English). [Russian version will be available soon ;-) ]
